| • |
He has stopped being violent or threatening
to you or others. |
| • |
He
acknowledges that his abusive behavior is wrong. |
| • |
He
understands that he does not have the right to control and dominate you. |
| • |
You
don't feel afraid when you are with him. |
| • |
He
does not coerce or force you into having sex when you don't want to. |
| • |
You
can express anger toward him without feeling intimidated. |
| • |
He
does not make you feel responsible for his anger or frustration. |
| • |
He
respects your opinion even if he doesn't agree with it. |
| • |
He
respects your right to say "no." |
| • |
You
can negotiate without being humiliated and belittled by him. |
| • |
You
don't have to ask permission to go out, go to school, get a job, or take
other independent actions. |
| • |
He
listens to you and respects what you have to say. |
| • |
He
recognizes that he is not "cured" and that changing his behavior, attitudes,
and beliefs is a lifelong process. |
| • |
He
no longer does
(fill in the blank with any behavior that used to precede his
violence, manipulation, or emotional abuse). |
| • |
He tries to invoke sympathy from you or your
family and friends. |
| • |
He
is overly charming, reminds you of all the good time you've had together. |
| • |
He
tries to buy you back with romantic gifts, dinners, flowers, etc. |
| • |
He
tries to seduce you when you're vulnerable. |
| • |
He
uses veiled threats - to take the kids away, to cut off financial support,
to quit attending a batterer's program. |
| • |
His
promises to change do not match his behavior. |
