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FINDING HELP We
have emphasized what husbands, fathers, and male friends should and should not
do in order to help rape victims recover. Because such a heavy demand is
placed on men to be supportive, they too need assistance. Helping men is
critical to helping victims. In
each community, there are several possible sources of help for rape survivors
and their support persons. Community mental-health centers, pastoral
counseling services, and private practitioners are but a few possibilities.
There are also a number of national organizations dedicated to helping victims
and their families. In
addition, hundreds of rape-crisis centers have been established in communities
throughout the United States and Canada. These centers specialize in
addressing the needs of victims. Many also provide services to the family
members of victims. Some centers run groups for males and offer them short-term
counseling. Virtually all will make referrals to help males locate
services not available at the center.
Many
males are reluctant to seek help because they believe it is a sign of weakness
or they find it difficult to be open with their emotions. They need to
understand that getting help is not a symptom of weakness or an admission that
they “can’t take it.” Rather, it is a realization that there are
those whose professional training places them in a position to offer useful
advice at a time of great need. Seeking help is a way to gain strength and
to preserve a relationship with a loved one. Remember
that you are in a strategic position to help a loved one recover from rape.
But her recovery will take time and there are not miracle cures. By
realizing that through sympathetic understanding you will exert a positive but
necessarily limited influence, you can avoid the tendency to take personal
responsibility for her ultimate happiness. By being patient, supportive,
and nonjudgmental you will be communicating the most important message —
your unconditional love.
Trust that she is strong enough to do the rest on her own.
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