If She is Raped - Long-Term Consequences

LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES

The consequences of rape can linger far beyond the attack and its immediate aftermath, casting a dark shroud over the thoughts and emotions of the victim and those who love her. Full recovery may take months or years to achieve. It is the interactions that take place between you and she over the long term that have the greatest influence on her recovery.

There are common elements in the recovery process, though no two survivors of rape necessarily go through the same sequence of experiences. Therapists refer to the “rape-trauma syndrome” or to “post-traumatic stress disorder” in describing the process of recovery from rape. Such terms do not describe mental disorders, but stages in the recovery process that many (though not all) rape victims experience.

One issue of concern has its origins in what happens immediately before the rape. Victims often experience preimpact terror. . . the frightening realization of what is about to happen but knowing one is powerless to stop it. Many victims relive these moments before the rape and blame themselves for failing to prevent the assault. Simply stated, many victims impose upon themselves an unreasonable standard of conduct based upon guilt-ridden speculation about how they should or should not have responded to the attack.

However logical such a standard of conduct may seem to a victim in retrospect (when she is now safe), the reality is clear . . . as the assault progressed she was powerless and in a state of fear. Yet she may reflect upon these terrifying moments before the attack and judge herself according to a harsh standard of how she thinks she should have behaved. Assure her that she is not to blame and that her actions were understandable given the life-threatening circumstances of the assault.

Acute distress is common immediately after the assault, along with other symptoms. These may include shock, disbelief, confusion, anxiety, crying, irritation, and other signs of emotional disorganization. She may appear to be ex tremely controlled on the surface, but is masking more troubling emotions. At the same time, a number of physical symptoms may appear: soreness and bruising from the attack, vaginal or rectal bleeding, tension headaches, fatigue, sleep disturbances, nausea, and lack of appetite.

The victim also may experience a variety of other feelings in the weeks following the rape: fear, anger, embarrassment, and self-blame. Abrupt changes in mood are common. To compound her distress, she may feel she is overreacting to normal everyday problems and then become angry with herself. It is important for you to remember that her reactions are normal responses to a terrifying, life-threatening experience. Let her know these reactions are understandable and do not mean she is “going crazy.”

Gradually the victim may enter a period of apparent readjustment. She may announce that she has “forgotten” the incident, giving every outward appearance that it no longer troubles her. Her resoluteness may appear to be a sign of full recovery, but, typically, it is not. If anything, the rape lingers in the background of her thoughts as she attempts to make sense of what has happened.

It is during this apparent readjustment that she may contemplate suicide, drink heavily, or misuse prescription medication. Without an effective support system, the risk of succumbing to these impulses increases.

Eventually, the victim may experience a seemingly abrupt reemergence of assault-related memories. These may include graphic flashbacks of the rape that are triggered by certain sights, sounds, smells, or other sensory stimulation. Such disturbing thoughts may be a transition to the final phase of recovery, or integration. The initial sign of integration may be a return of troubling responses that she experienced earlier (depression, anxiety, eating disturbances, insomnia, tension, headaches).

Her emotional turmoil may surface in ways that are disquieting and perhaps unpredictable. Many relationships undergo the greatest period of stress at this time because she appears to be getting worse, not better. These responses, while understandably upsetting, can be interpreted as a sign that she is confronting deep-seated feelings about the rape, feelings that she previously denied or rationalized.

At this point both you and she may feel that her recovery is going in reverse, instead of going forward. Her thoughts and feelings, however, are largely an “echo” of her initial responses. They are not experienced with the same intensity or duration as before, indicating that she is coming to terms with what happened.

Unfortunately, there is no easy way for either of you to deal with these complex feelings. However, there are a number of guidelines that will help both of you:

•	Do not tell her that she “shouldn’t think about it” or “shouldn’t feel that way.” She cannot easily will herself to ignore troublesome images or to bury powerful feelings. Do not deny her the right to her feelings or suggest that she is inadequate for failing to control her emotions. This only makes her feel guilty and guarded about expressing feelings to you.
•	Reassure her that flashbacks and panic attacks are common yet temporary. Encourage her to talk about those things that may trigger flashbacks. Naming such triggers can reduce her vulnerabilities to them.
•	Do not become irritated because she has needs that place additional demands on you. Ironically, oftentimes males initially encourage the victim to feel dependent on them, then later come to resent what they believe is her over dependence.
•	Do not become angry if her recovery seems too slow. Remember that rape victims recover at different rates and in different ways. Do not impose on her the terms of her recovery. Such an imposition communicates a lack of understanding rather than compassion, and is likely to cause resentment.
•	Do not be upset if she refuses your help. Her need to find her voice and to regain her sense of power are important to her recovery and should not be interpreted as rejection of you.
•	Consider doing joint activities that brought you close together in the past. Whether it be going for walks, camping, gardening, or seeing films, the positive feelings associated with these activities help you to rediscover the shared memories that constitute the preassault foundation of your relationship.
•	Where appropriate and mutually agreed upon, seek the companionship of friends who are healthy and upbeat. Being around positive people provides a needed respite for both of you.
•	Do not act out in violent ways (e.g., destroying property, fighting) in the mistaken belief that violence is a good release for anger. Similarly, turning to alcohol or becoming a workaholic does not eliminate feelings of anger. Violence and alcohol consumption are destructive to the relationship and will further isolate the victim.
•	Find a trusted person with whom you can talk without fear of being judged. For some, it is especially useful to locate survivor groups where members meet regularly to discuss their experiences and strategies for healing. Such groups may be available through rape-crisis centers. Knowing that others have endured what you are going through can provide hope.

Remember that each person has developed his or her own ways of coping with stress. Share your feelings with each other but do not expect her methods of coping to be identical to yours. With mutual support and openness, you both will recover and may succeed in building a relationship that is even stronger; because you endured a crisis together.