MYTHS AND FACTS

There is no such thing as a “typical” rape or rape victim.  Each episode is a unique and terrifying experience from which it will require time for the victim to recover.  There are, however, common elements and misconceptions associated with rape; awareness of them will help you to understand what she has been through.

To begin, rape is not the same as “making love.”  Although the majority of completed rapes involve vaginal penetration, this occurs in a state of emotional terror without the woman’s consent.  It is a complete misconception that women “secretly desire” to be taken by force.  Victims never seek this terrible experience.  Rape is a total violation of a woman’s rights over her own body and of her ability to make a sexual choice.  Rape is an attack not only on a woman’s body, but on her sense of who she is and how she functions in the world.  Indeed, from the woman’s point of view, the sexual dimension of rape may assume lesser importance than the violent and dehumanizing aspects.

Rape usually involves threats of bodily harm or other forms of intimidation, extortion, deception, or subtle forms of manipulation designed to control the victim.  In many cases the woman suffers severe physical injury.  Rapists may use weapons or threats of violence to overpower their victims.  Some rapists use drugs such as Rohypnol or GHB to incapacitate their victims and to impair their memories of the assault.  Threats of violence may be accompanied by degrading verbal abuse.  Any implication that the woman “asked for” or enjoyed the experience, or that rape and making love are the same, is a basic misconception. Even in the context of a dating or friendly relationship — a situation where large numbers of rapes occur — the rape still represents a violent assault and not something the victim wants or enjoys. It is never appropriate to suggest that the victim somehow deserves to be assaulted.

A related fact concerning rape is that the woman absolutely is not responsible for her victimization.  Some men mistakenly assume that she could have prevented the rape by avoiding certain social situations, by dressing differently, or by putting up a fight.  This mistaken assumption is even more likely if the victim exhibits no visible injuries.  In fact, some males mistakenly believe that if she did not actively resist the attack, she must have given tacit consent.  This unfairly suggests that she is responsible for the assault.  The absence of injuries, however, does not mean that she gave consent.  Consent is based upon the ability to freely choose, and the rapist does not offer his victim a choice.  Rape is a nonconsensual act; submitting out of fear is never consent.  Each rape victims does what she needed to do at the time in order to survive, even if she felt paralyzed by fear or recognized the futility of resistance.

Believing that she is partially responsible only places emotional distance between the two of you at a time when your support is most needed.  This causes her to have unnecessary feelings of guilt, anger, and isolation.  Blaming her hinders her recovery, and it could destroy your relationship.

Rape can occur at all hours of the day or night and in virtually any setting, including one’s home or a public place.  Rape can happen to anyone, regardless of age, income, appearance, or reputation.  Although the majority of rape victims are single women between the ages of 12 and 24, there is no way to predict which women are likely to be targeted by rapists.  One common element is that rape is a frightening and degrading experience that requires time for victims to recover.

You can help her by:

Remember, rape is a violent crime that is neither sought nor caused by the victim.  Helping her to recover should be your chief concern.