UNDERSTANDING RECOVERY

For most survivors, rape is probably the most traumatic event to ever touch their life.  How you react and recover will be dependent upon many factors including:  the relationship between you and the perpetrator, the level of violence and time duration of the attack, other life crisis experiences, your support system, your self-esteem, and your ability to ask for, and receive, appropriate professional help.

Recovery does not mean that you forget what happened.  Instead, recovery is being able to understand and believe that the victimization was not your fault.  Recovery is accepting the reality of what has happened, while moving beyond the immobilizing emotions which can dominate your thoughts, words, and actions.  If no one has ever told you before, you need to know and believe the following statement: “A survivor of rape or sexual abuse will probably never fully forget what happened”.  However, survivors can and do recover.  The process of recovery can be confusing and painful.  Throughout the process, remember that recovery can be a powerful and positive step in your life.

All crisis events effect your emotions.  Emotional memories NEVER just “go away.”  Therefore, your first step in recovery is to admit to yourself that you may be living with some aspects of the attack forever.  The good news is that through recovery you CAN grow and become stronger.  You can resume your same lifestyle.  You can regain control over your thoughts, memories, and feelings.  Recovery begins at different times for each survivor, but a general statement would be that recovery begins the moment that a person chooses to begin the process involved in taking control back from the perpetrator.  For some, recovery may begin moments following the attack while others may not begin the process until years later.  There is NO normal time line for recovery, everyone is different, and every person should be able to move through the recovery process at their own pace and without pressure or judgments.

Recovery involves time. strength. and courage.  Recovery is believing in your future goals and your day to day achievements.  Recovery means celebrating the “positive” aspects of your life.  Recovery is being able to enjoy sleeping, eating, and sexual pleasures as you did before the assault.  Recovery is being able to trust and believe in your choices and own judgments.  The road to recovery can be long and emotional.  You may at times want to quit the fight.  You may want to bottle everything up inside or stop going to counseling or your support group.  Please be patient with yourself.

Remember that no one is born with the knowledge needed for recovery.  You must learn by working either with someone who knows or by trial and error on your own.  Whatever you choose, be gentle and understanding with yourself.  Know that recovery takes time and persistence.  Recovery takes commitment.  The decision to begin a recovery process will be one of the most important decisions you ever make.  Please remember that you will be better able to deal with this process through the acceptance, support, and comfort of friends and/or family members.  Counselors, Turning Point Advocates, and other community professionals can also be of great benefit throughout the days, months, and even years following the assault.  Talking to someone who will listen, support you, and offer other information will help you far more than remaining alone and silent.  Allow people to help you.  Believe in your goodness and your strengths.  Look to the future with hope.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

It is our hope that this site will support you, in some way, throughout your recovery process.  Please remember the information that we have presented is very general.  Your life, your victimization, and your recovery will be very personal and individual.  Do not expect to think, feel, or act as other people tell you that you should.  Do not expect to feel the exact feelings of any other rape survivor.  You are an individual and will move through stages and feelings at your own pace and when you are ready.  If you are a co-survivor, do not allow yourself or others to tell you that you are only a co-survivor.  Stages of recovery are not unique only to the survivor; loved ones also need and deserve support and patience.

The events that have touched your life are dramatic, emotional, and will probably be very confusing and painful.  You are only human and therefore, should not try to “handle” everything alone.  Unfortunately, thousands of individuals and families are victimized each year.  You may feel very isolated and alone but there are agencies and organizations ready and able to help you and your loved ones.

Although this may seem like a very difficult time to think about family and friends, you should try to develop or identify your support network.  Which members of your family or friends can you talk with and trust?  Do you have roommates, co-workers or significant others in your life to whom you can turn with safety and confidence?  Think about the people who love you.  They probably want to help but do not know how.  Recovery will be an ongoing part of your life and if you can identify people who will share in the process, it can seem somewhat easier.  If you truly do not want to confide in a family member or friend, that is fine.  That is your decision.  However, you still need a support network.  Make an initial contact Turning Point if you have not already done so at the hospital.  The crisis center has a 24-hour crisis line with victim advocates who are prepared to answer your questions or give you information regarding service agencies within the community.  All services are free of charge.  As feelings and emotions surface, use your support network.  You may want to read and re-read sections of this website or you can go to the library or local bookstore to find other supportive material.  Share this information with your support network.

No one will ever know exactly what you experienced or what you are now feeling. No one should try to tell you they know what you are going through.  You are the only one who fully understands the thoughts and emotions through which you must now sort.  Other people do not need to feel for you or think for you, they only need to listen and offer support.  Although you will do the work involved in your recovery process, you should not hesitate to use others for help, support, and honest caring.  Do not try to get through this by yourself.

Remember that you are not alone.