Sexual Assault - What if it's Someone I Know?

WHAT IF IT IS SOMEONE I KNOW?

Acquaintance rape happens more often than stranger rape. Statistics show that 80% of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. The assailant might be a date, co-worker, friend-of-a-friend, social contact, or a relative. It might be someone you barely recognize or someone you know well.

Many women mistakenly believe that because they agreed to meet their assailant, accept a ride, stopped for a casual conversation, or allowed someone into their home, they are responsible for what happened. They are not, however, responsible for being raped. No matter what the situation, no one ever has the right to rape another person. Being attacked by someone that you know does not change the fact that you have been raped. It is important to remember that the rapist, not the victim, is responsible. It is never the fault of the victim. No one wants to be raped, plans to be raped, or prepares to be raped. You must realize that if someone that you know raped you it is still RAPE. The same laws pertain to friends, family members, and other people that we love.

If someone you know assaulted you, you may have some special concerns:
• You may doubt your judgment and find it hard to trust others.
• You may be concerned about having to see your assailant again.
These are normal concerns that all victims share. You may wish to discuss these and other concerns with a counselor or rape crisis advocate.

WHAT ABOUT THE RAPIST?

Do not feel like you have to protect the rapist. He did something wrong and for you to keep it a secret only reinforces his behavior. When a friend or boyfriend is a rapist, you will have mixed emotions. You may not want him in jail, but you probably will want him to realize what he did to you. The sooner you talk with a rape crisis advocate, the better. They can help you to sort through these feelings and decide what is best for YOU. Remember that HE IS THE ONE WHO COMMITTED THE CRIME. You are the victim. He took all your power and control away during the rape and you need to take your power back by making decisions which are in your best interest. No one should TELL you what to do. People around you should point out the options and encourage you to take care of yourself, in whatever way you can. Don’t feel as though you should protect him, or his feelings, or his friendship with other people. Do not feel obligated to give him the respect and protection that he did not give you.

You do have the option to go to the police or campus security. Sometimes victims are scared to report a date/acquaintance rape because they feel “even the police won’t believe me.” Most police departments today are educated and sensitive. They should have an experienced officer for you to talk with. Tell them EVERYTHING. Do not hide any facts because you feel they will blame you. If you were drinking with the man or enjoying his company earlier in the evening, TELL THE POLICE. Your best case will be made if you are completely honest and open. Prior to doing this, be sure to call the Southern Crescent Sexual Assault Center. An advocate can be with you and explain things to you each step of the way.

Remember you do not have to go to the police. The decision is yours. Even if you choose not to report the crime, you should still talk with a counselor or rape crisis advocate. Allow these people to tell you the facts and help you decide the best alternative based on your own individual situation.

WHAT ABOUT MEDICAL ATTENTION?

Victims of date or acquaintance rape often feel that they do not need medical attention. If the victim was not physically brutalized, she often feels that a medical exam is not necessary. However, there are several reasons for having the exam regardless of your relationship to the rapist. First, the sperm can be very good evidence, especially if the rapist denies having intercourse. Second. following a rape, you may not realize what type of evidence medical specialists can find. Please read the Medical Information included on this site which explains the medical procedures and reasons to obtain the tests. Third, although you know your assailant, you may not know every detail of his sexual history. He may have a sexually transmitted disease or other condition for which you should seek medical attention. A friend or rape crisis center advocate can accompany you through the exam at the hospital. Do not bathe or douche before going and do not change your clothing. Going to the hospital as soon as possible following the assault will allow hospital personnel the best chance to gather evidence and treat you properly. As was stated above, tell the hospital staff everything. Do not worry if you have alcohol in your body. The more you tell the hospital staff, the better it will be. Try to remember everything that happened. If you struggled, tell them. If you were asleep when it started, tell them. The rule is, you can say “no” physically or verbally at any time and the man must stop or it is rape. So know that you are right and he was wrong; do not hesitate to give a full description of the evening. For more information about medical procedures and payment of the medical bill see the Medical Information section.