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CHILD
SEXUAL ASSAULT
FOR PARENTS
Following
a sexual assault, your child will look to you for comfort, love, and safety.
Although the experience may be overwhelming, try to stay calm. To meet
your child’s immediate needs, you must reassure him or her that:
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You believe what he or she has told you. |
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The assault was not his or her fault. He or she is not to blame for
the crime. |
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You care and are always available if he or she wants to talk. |
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You will try your best to protect him or her. |
Many
parents have misconceptions about child sexual assault. You may be
surprised to learn that:
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Sexual assault of children is common; 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys are
sexually assaulted before reaching the age of 18. |
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Most child sexual assaults develop over a period and will be repeated
unless they are stopped. |
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Most assailants are acquainted with the child’s family. |
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55% of assailants are either the father or the stepfather
of the child. |
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Offenders are usually males with normal sexual outlets, but women may
also be offenders. |
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Like adult rape, child sexual assault is a crime of violence, not of sex. |
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Children are never responsible for sexual assaults; an assault is result
of force, trickery, or coercion and the responsibility lies with the adult. |
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Children rarely lie about sexual assault. Parents must always
believe their child’s report of such an experience. |
More
than anything else, your child needs your loving support now and in the future.
Rather than questioning about details of the attack, ask your child how he/she
is feeling. Gently encourage him or her to talk.
Remember
that your concern is your child’s day to day improvement and not so much the
sexual assault itself. Be careful that your other children understand what
happened so they will not be afraid or tease. Do not embarrass your child
by telling friends and family who do not need to know about the assault.
As
much as possible, try to keep schedules normal. Your child needs to be
active, see friends, and have the same responsibilities at home. Do not be
over protective. Your child may perceive special or different treatment as
punishment. Let your child know that he or she is okay and loved now as
much as ever. Some common feelings shared by children who have been
sexually assaulted are:
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Fear
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Of
the perpetrator
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Of
causing trouble
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Of
losing adults important to them
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Of
being taken away from home
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Of
being “different”
|
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Anger
|
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At
the perpetrator
|
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At
other adults around them who did not protect them |
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At
themselves (feeling as if they caused trouble)
|
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Isolation
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Because
“something is wrong with me”
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Because
they feel that they are alone in their experience |
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Because
they are “weird” for having been sexually abused
|
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Because
they have trouble talking about the abuse
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Sadness
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About
growing up too fast
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About
“causing trouble” in the family
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About
losing a part of themselves
|
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About
having a part taken from them
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Guilt
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For “causing” the abuse |
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For
being “bad” since the abuse occurred
|
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For
not being able to stop the abuse
|
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For
telling on the perpetrator - if they told
|
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For
keeping the secret - if they did not tell |
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For
enjoying parts of the abuse
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Shame
|
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About
being a part of the experience |
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About their bodies’ responses to the abuse |
As
a parent, you also need support. You do not always have to be a “super
parent”. A counselor trained in child sexual assault or a rape crisis
advocate may be able to help you:
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Sort out feelings (guilt, anger, and grief, etc.). |
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Determine what to do next. |
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Help others in the family deal with the assault. |
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Help your child. |
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